No Soy Sauce

Since I’ve started this blog, the question I’m most often asked is, “What the f*ck is No Soy Sauce?” The title itself is from a line in one of the greatest movies ever, Paid in Full. I roll with a crew from Jersey that quotes Paid in Full movie lines from sun-up to sun-down, and I’m SO serious. But No Soy Sauce really means that this blog delivers it straight- no chaser, no condiments, and no sugarcoating. It lets the reader know they are getting a blunt and honest view of urban music and Hip Hop lifestyle.

Akoto, who edits this blog for me, also gets asked the same question. So, as a clarifier: THIS IS NOT HER BLOG. IT’S MINE.

But, after a barrage of questions about the origins of this blog, we thought it was high time to tell the tale of No Soy Sauce. So it’s only apt that we do that on the 6 week anniversary edition of Freestyle Friday. In recanting the story, Akoto and I discovered that we both have differing opinions about who should be credited with dreaming up No Soy Sauce. She thinks it was her idea, and I KNOW it was mine.

So to be fair, I’ve posted both her and my versions of The Birth of No Soy Sauce below.

The Birth of NSS- Mike’s Version

This tale reveals the origins of one young man and one young woman’s desire to change the urban music blogging landscape. The lead female in this role, Akoto (Pronounced Ko in her native land of Ghana), is a Gemini. Her recollection of certain events and situations depends on which twin she is when she wakes up in the morning. Me? Me is a name I call myself. I’m also known as Mike and/or Rosie depending on who you’re talking to. I tend to partake in the use of marijuana (for medicinal purposes only of course), and therefore don’t really remember ever discussing the invention of this blog with Akoto, or at least not in the way she describes it. Actually, I recall it happening a totally different way (dreamy wavy segue into a flashback):

It was a clear, dark night. A clear white moon. I was on the streets trying to consume some skirts for eve so I can get some funk. That’s when I got a call from Akoto asking, “Could you please come over and fix my bed? I’m a helpless female that needs a man to do stereotypical man stuff.” Me being the man that I am, got to her condo and fixed her bed pronto, in exchange for what I was told was going to be “yummy chicken burgers”. As I was chomped down on the driest piece of meat I’ve ever had, Akoto and I got into a “colorful conversation” about Jay-Z and how he always comes correct when he’s featured on an R&B track. She disagreed with me about which songs I thought he came the most correctess (yes correctess) on, but I won the argument. More importantly, though, that debate was a harbinger of things to come.

In an attempt to bounce back from her feelings getting hurt from losing the debate, Ko suggested that we start a blog (ha) together (HA!) that would consist of back and forth banter between the two of us on music topics. I concured. However, Akoto quickly realized that my superior wit and knowledge of the English language would only further embarrass her so-called intellect and eventually shrink her ego to the size of Gary Coleman’s left pinky toenail.

In the middle of epiphasizing (yes epiphasizing) that her debate stances were futile against my force-field of rebuttals, she suggested that I do the blog myself. Akoto then asked me if she could have the piviledge of being my editor, because she knew that I was about to bring straight heat to these cold ducks. Besides, what do I care? Editors are just glorified spell checkers anyway. After hesitating for a few weeks to share my love for music and writing with the world (“The WORLD, Craig!), I told myself that there is a nation of people out there that need this blog. So I gave them No Soy Sauce. “You’re all welcome, long as you felt him” – Jay-Z, You’re Welcome

The Birth of NSS- Akoto’s Version

(An important note: As an act of affection, I would often called the author of this blog by one of several nicknames -Ro, Rosie, Arrah, etc. But, in his attempts to smear my name (and my cooking) and not give me due respect for being the genius that I am, I’ve reduced our friendship level from “tight” to “acquaintance”. As such, nicknames are no longer appropriate, and throughout this post, I will refer to him only by his full, slave-given government name, Michael Jeb Roseborough II.)

I can’t begin to express my annoyance with Mr. Michael Jeb Roseborough’s suggestion that No Soy Sauce was HIS idea and not mine. Mr. Roseborough, in his constant state of chronic-induced fuzziness, mixes up details rather often. Also, as a direct result of his altered state, he lost a rather large, pricey and difficult-to-misplace item right in front of my apartment building. Be clear, I’m not trying to slander him. I’m just trying to make the case that neither he, or his accounts of what happened, are credible or trustworthy.

Here’s how it really went down: Mr. Roseborough came through to my crib one day last October asking if he could toke. When I asked why he so desperately needed to smoke at that very moment, and he said it was for medicinal purposes, as the arthritis in his knees was flaring up because of a long and hard football practice. I reluctantly obliged. (It is important to note here that Mr. Roseborough has delusions of grandeur, and somehow is still relishing in the heyday of his college football career. As far as I’m aware, outside of his PS2, Mr. Roseborough hasn’t actually played a live football game since October 2005.)

Shortly after, we somehow started a conversation about Jay Z’s guest appearances on R&B songs. It was a typical exchange between the two of us: we generally agreed that Jay’s guest appearances are hot, but we had a major disagreement over which appearance was his best. It was a colorful exchange, and I suggested that we start a music blog together. He agreed.

Initially, I was excited about the prospect of doing a blog with Mr. Roseborough. But then I got to know him better. I soon discovered that he’s irrational, argumentative, and well, just generally weird. The worst part is that all of these terrible qualities are amplified when Mr. Roseborough is sober. I hate him when he’s sober so much that I demand that he smoke before we hang out.

It was at that juncture, ladies and gentleman, that I decided that I could not work with Mr. Roseborough on this blog. To free myself from this burden, I made up some story about how I was too busy to write blogs with him everyday. He looked disappointed, because we both knew he couldn’t do this without me. So, in an act of kindness, I promised him that I would coach him through this project, and work as his editor. I also lied to him and convinced him that he was actually funny enough to do this sh*t on his own. (The ego of a man is sooooooo easy to inflate.)

If I knew what I know now, I would have never signed on to edit his sh*t. Mr. Roseborough’s abuse of medicinal marijuana has decreased his command of the English language to that of a pre-schooler, which means that I wake up at 7 am to practically rewrite all of his entries so that you, the reader, can actually make sense of his posts.

Now, I will concede that the actual No Soy Sauce name was his idea. But, No Soy Sauce as a concept is mine. As such, Mr. Roseborough should be grateful that my a** still wakes up in the morning to cross his t’s and dot his i’s. And that’s real.

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And there you have it folks, save this story to pass down for generatios to come. It’s a keeper. Shout out to Eric H. for getting Wednesday’s “WHO SAID IT?!” with the correct answer, Kieth Murray. Shout out to Aileen T. (again) and Santana (AY!) for getting yesterday’s “WHO SAID IT?!” with the correct answer, Ghostface. BIG, MAJOR, STUPID, PHAT, DOPE, CRAZY SHOUT OUT TO NSS NATION! Akoto and I thought we were only entertaining ourselves with the notion of a six-week anniversary. Instead The Nation showed up big time for the Wet Noodle Awards. This week was our biggest as far as hits on the blog are concerned. We saw some big numbers which means one of two things: Either the word is spreading, or my mom is still clicking on the “refresh” button because she expects a new blog to come up each time. Thank you all for tuning in, please continue to let your people know that we’re here and we hope to keep producing material that people want to read.

“You’re all welcome, long as you felt him” – Jay-Z, You’re Welcome