No Soy Sauce

I know what you’re thinking.  How does a cat from Jersey end up becoming a Gucci Mane fan?  It’s a paradox, I know.  It can be partially explained by the 3 1/2 years I spent between North and South Carolina.  I’ll never forget the first time I saw a bunch of country a** Black kids go wild to a No Limit record.  I was 12 or 13-years-old and was probably trying to fit-in, so I gravitated towards a lot of Southern rap music.  Like all music I enjoy, however, Gucci Mane’s music is real and that’s what counts the most in my book.  I don’t want to just understand the lyrics, I want to believe that the artist isn’t making up stories, but recalling them instead.  I’ll get into that later, though.

His career took off after So Icy, Gucci Mane’s first hit single featuring Young Jeezy.  The career quickly morphed into controversy, however, as Jeezy and Gucci argued over who wrote the song (supposedly, Jeezy didn’t get paid for his contribution to the song either), therefore creating doubt as to who receives the credit for the song’s rise to fame.  In a country as entertainment driven as the United States, there is one thing we should all know about the formula to create musical success: controversy.  The stage was set for Gucci to be a star.

Though he wasn’t one of my “5 Rap Sheet MC’s” Gucci has had some run-ins with the law.  His latest run-in currently has him locked up on a parole violation.  The Popo’s are trying to prevent Gucci from being great.   Nevertheless! NSS has decided to get you through your case of the Monday’s with five reasons Gucci Mane is more than a country bumpkin that cracks a mirror every time he looks in one.

5.  He looks like my homeboy “Big Dookie” from back home.

I’m not making that up either, we actually called this cat Big Dookie.  I’d use his real name but I might end up dead (that’s why there’s no picture of him either).  Dookie and Gucci look like twins seperated at birth though.  They both rock the high and tight country fade.  They both talk like they have cotton in their nostrils and can only breathe out the bottom half of their mouth.  Both have black a** lips from smoking one too many Swisher Sweets.  Both have tattoos that look like stretch marks instead of art.  And both like disrobing to show off their potbelly’s.  No lie, their belly’s are identical.  Dookie managed to form potbelly in high school though, which is sadder.  Especially since he was the star running back on the football team.

I PROMISE you this dude looks JUST like Chris...I mean Dookie...Cough.

4.  I’ll admit it, I’m caught in the hype.

Not the Gucci hype that’s sweeping the nation.  I’m talking about the Gucci hype that that has taking over the DMV (the D.C., Maryland, and Virginia tri-state area).  I’ve been in the area for a little over two years.  Besides Nike boots, Wale, Go-Go Music, and Gucci Mane, they don’t mess with much else out here.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hop on the Gucci bandwagon at first, but his music grew on me like Susan Boyle’s second chin grew on her.

3.  He’s Gorilla Pimping the game right now.

He’s forcing his brand of music on the masses.  He’s forcing his homeboys, Waka Flocka Flame and O.J. Da Juiceman, music in your ear.  He is the CEO of So Icey Entertainment, the record label he created.  Now, let’s examine what just happened while you’ve been eagerly disagreeing with me; he had a controversy at the beginning of his career.  His music started selling after this controversy.  As a result of his music taking off while owning his own label he put his boy’s on.  This doesn’t sound familiar to anyone?  He’s built a Southern G-Unit!  Though I’ve stated my disdain for 50 Cent I do respect the business decisions he made.  Neither Gucci nor 50 can spit (though you may disagree if you’re deaf), and no one really wants to listen to Gucci’s cronies yet your grandmother is even screaming “FLOCKA!”.  What’s the quintessential difference maker?  You’ll have to read the number one reason for that.

Starting to ring a bell?

2.  He smashed Buffie the Body, then told EVERYONE.

I’m not the type to kiss and tell, but I love that Gucci Mane is.  Gucci not only let the world know he got with Buffie on a track, but he took a shot at her too: “Her a** got more bigger than “Buffie the Booshie“, I mean Buffie the Body.  I f*cked her, a couple mo’ h*es that’s nothing”.  It doesn’t rhyme, that’s how you know it’s true.  Gucci just wanted to tell someone.   And why not?!  His only mistake was missing the boat on the celebrity “hacked”, “leaked”, and/or “stolen” sex tape/naked photo scandals (i.e. Rhianna and Megan Fox…find your own link to those, I’m not gonna be responsible for nude chicks popping up on your work computer).

She has to be legally blind to walk around with Gucci

1.He’s REALER than 50 Cent and G-Unit.

There are a lot of rappers that will claim they’ll bust their gun, but when the beef comes “they wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight”, as Jigga would say.  Gucci is realer than most because he does bust his gun.  Recall the beef I mentioned earlier between Gucci and Jeezy (check out this blog for a full account on their history)?   Word has it that Jeezy (who I’m also a fan of for this very reason) sent a couple of his Atlanta goons after Gucci Mane’s  Bart Simpson necklace in an attack in their personal war.  Apparently, Jeezy thought Gucci Mane just talked a lot of ish.  What Jeezy found out is that he severely underestimated him.  Upon Jeezy’s goons showing up, with guns drawn to separate Gucci from his chain, they were welcomed by Gucci and his Assault Rifle.  Jeezy sent a few goons.  Less than a few goons came back.  I don’t know about you, but if Gucci says “I’ll kill you” in a verse, I’ma believe him, Gucci got street cred coming out of his belly.  If 50 Cent said “I’ll kill you” in a verse,  I’d throw Tony Yayo’s missing tooth at him (I couldn’t find ONE picture of Tony Yayo with his mouth open (pause) to show y’all that tooth space…Someone’s self-conscious).  50 caught 9 hot ones and moved to Greenwhich Village, CT.  I’m pretty sure if MTV Cribs showed up to Gucci’s home it would make Redman’s home look like the Caesar Palace.

Need I say more?