The ninth annual BET Awards will air this Sunday, June 27th. If there is anything in this world that I dislike more than BET, it’s the BET Awards. Granted, they’re still babies in the music award business (MTV’s VMA’s have been around since 1984, the Grammy’s since 1958).
My beef with BET and the BET Awards is this: BET acts as if they’re providing television for a group of people whose entertainment needs aren’t being met. However, the quality of entertainment they offer is poorly produced and selected, yet HEAVILY advertised. BET continually settles for mediocrity while claiming that everyone else doesn’t give what they provide. In reality, BET provides its viewers with television that no other station would ever pick up. Additionally, if a BET show as on a mainstream station that station would quickly be labeled as discriminatory or racist due to the poor depiction of “Black Entertainment”.
I’m willing to give BET and the BET Awards more time to get their act together (they recently got a new President). In the meantime, though, here are five things that are all but guaranteed to take place at the buffoonery that is the BET Awards.
Seriously, need I say anything?
Honorable Mentions
Prince Receives the Lifetime Achievement Award and BET cuts to a collage of Prince’s “butt cheek pants“
John Legend will give back the Humanitarian Award after being caught in a public bathroom stall with Fabolous
Technical Difficulties
At some point during the BET Awards a performers microphone won’t work, Queen Latifah (the host) will have to stall because a stage prop won’t properly shoot off fireworks, the producers will cut to commercial too quickly, the producers will come back from commercial too late (at least twice), and someone will cuss without BET censoring the cuss word. Basically, the BET Awards will look like they never even did a sound check in preparation for the show. They’ll still claim that they do it better than the other award shows, though. They’re pathological liars.
Eminem Will Set “It” Off
Monday I stated that I believe Eminem has changed his ways of attacking the character of celebrities. That doesn’t mean he won’t, though. Em has a knack for disrupting the flow of an awards show. I don’t know who or what Eminem will set “it” off on, but you can guarantee it will create a beef (or a great punchline on a song). My guess is that he’ll call someone out. Someone who will be completely caught off guard by a derogatory statement towards them. Someone, like Justin Beieber. I don’t know if he’ll be at the Awards show (I’d think doing a song with Ludacris gives him enough “juice” to get in, though) but he seems like a prime target for Eminem.
The Awkward Celebrity Reactionary Close Up
Remember when Kanye drunkenly stole Taylor Swift’s spotlight at MTV’s Video Music Awards? The second biggest story was the close up of Beyonce’s face in reaction to Kanye’s antics. Justin Beieber’s mother isn’t a celebrity, but her reaction to whatever Eminem says about her son will be on the front page of newspapers everywhere when it happens.
The Host Will Freestyle
Every year, at the BET Awards, the host stops reading the teleprompter (unadvised, or course) and takes time out to say whatever the hell they want. Fortunately, Queen Latifah is hosting. I doubt that she would go off the script to provide useless information. Honestly, I’d be interested to hear what she would have to say if she did, though. I’m really scared that Jamie Foxx (host of 2009 BET Awards) will run on stage, grab the microphone, and start ranting about why Fancy never gave him the draws on the Jamie Foxx Show.
Bare Chest-ed-ness
Janet Jackson’s boob isn’t available, but this year’s performers are: Alicia Keys, Diddy, Drake, Trey Songz, Usher, Nicki Minaj, Ludacris, T.I., Kanye West, Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Eminem, and T-Pain. Out of these 13 performers, at least 6 of them will end up coming out of their clothes. Half of the rappers will be shirtless. If not, one of their hype-men will be. To be honest, I’m hoping to see one of Nicki Minaj’s silicone butt cheeks.
Shout outs to George R., Mike S., Matt R., Yaw O., Jason C., @XanneliesemoonX, and Aileen T. for getting the WHOSAIDIT?! correct on the past two days. Also, MAJOR shout out to Tim Howard and U.S.A Soccer Team. Shout out to Jersey, and shout out to Brunswick ’cause ALL WE DO IS BREED WINNERS! ‘Nuff said.
